How to Tell the Difference Between OCD and Maternal Instinct

Have you ever been told as a mom “just trust your gut” or “when you know something is wrong you will just know.”

Well if you’re anything like me (a mom who has OCD) those phrases trigger an immediate eye roll because how the heck are you supposed to do those things when you have OCD?

Here is the thing- all moms experience worry and some level of anxiety. It is only human and natural. The difference for those of us with OCD is that OCD makes the intensity of our worries and fears so much more.

So here is the question: “is it my intuition or is it my OCD?”

Rest assured, this confusion is incredibly common and there are clear ways to understand the difference.

Why OCD Gets Mistaken for “Instinct”

OCD is designed to feel urgent, important, and “protective.” OCD takes things that matter most to us and the person we are afraid of becoming, and uses that to fuel doubts. OCD thoughts often cause a false alarm to go off in our brains. So while OCD is based off of urgency, maternal instinct tends to be based in grounded, practical thoughts based in reality.

Key Differences

Maternal Instinct Feels Like…

• A calm “nudge” or knowing

• Based on real-life cues (your baby’s cry, behavior, health, environment)

• Flexible and changes with context

• Helpful, supportive

• Short-lived or situational

OCD Feels Like…

• Urgent, panicky, alarming

• Based on possibilities, not current evidence

• Rigid — “I HAVE to do this or something bad might happen”

• Overwhelming, repetitive, intrusive

• Sticky — the thought loops even after checking

Let’s look at an example:

• OCD: “What if this bottle isn’t clean enough?” → repeated rewashing, distress.

• Instinct: “This looks dirty, let me rewash it once.”

Questions You Can Ask Yourself

These become tools your readers can use immediately.

• “Is this thought coming from fear or from observation?”

• “Is there real-world evidence right now?”

• “Am I feeling urgent, pressured, or panicked?”

• “Does this thought line up with who I am and how I’ve acted consistently?”

• “If another mom told me this, would I think she was sensing danger, or just anxious?”

How to Respond When You Realize It’s OCD

If you read through these examples and noticed yourself thinking, “Oh… that’s me,” please know this: nothing is wrong with you. This is simply what OCD does. And the more you learn to recognize its patterns, the easier it becomes to step out of them.

Here are a few gentle, ICBT-aligned ways to respond when you realize the fear you’re feeling is OCD, not instinct:

1. Notice when your mind is giving you “possibility brain.”

OCD loves to jump straight to the worst-case scenario, no matter how unlikely. Naming it (“This is possibility, not probability”) is often the first step in loosening its grip.

2. Ground back into sensory reality.

Ask yourself: What are my five senses telling me right now?

Not what could happen — but what is actually happening in front of me.

3. Allow the thought to be there without engaging in compulsions.

You don’t have to push it away, fix it, reassure yourself, or check. Let the thought float by, even if it feels uncomfortable.

4. Re-anchor to your values — connection, safety, presence, love.

These qualities reflect who you truly are as a mother. OCD may be loud, but it is not your identity.

5. Take a small step back into the moment with your child.

It doesn’t have to be big or profound — a quick snuggle, a soft smile, handing them a snack, reading a page of a book. Action brings you back into your real life, not the one OCD imagines.

You’ll get better and better at noticing the difference between fear and instinct. And with practice, responding in these small, steady ways helps your true self — the grounded, caring, deeply loving mom you already are — shine much brighter than the noise of OCD.

If you’re wanting more support in learning how to do this in a structured, confidence-building way, my online course Navigating OCD in Motherhood, walks you step-by-step through understanding your OCD, using ICBT tools, and reconnecting with the kind of mom you want to be.

👉 You can learn more and join here: https://ocdinmotherhood.com

You don’t have to figure this out alone. I’m here with you every step of the way.

rooting for you,

taylor