Your Intrusive Thoughts are Not Random
If you’ve been learning about I-CBT (Inference-Based Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), you’ve probably heard this idea:
Your intrusive thoughts are not random.
When I first learned this, my stomach dropped. My immediate thought was:
Wait… if they’re not random, does that mean these horrible, scary, disgusting thoughts actually mean something about who I am?
If you’ve had that same fear, hear this clearly:
No. Intrusive thoughts tell us nothing about your character, your heart, or the kind of mom you are.
But they do tell us something important:
They reveal the kind of person you are most afraid of becoming.
In I-CBT, we call this the Feared Self.
Instead of thoughts popping into your mind at random, OCD builds stories based on your deepest values, your biggest fears, and the exact identity you don’t want to step into.
For moms, this is why intrusive thoughts feel so personal and so terrifying. OCD doesn’t pick just any theme—it imagines the worst possible version of you and says:
What if you become that mom? What if you already are? What if you one day snap? What if you lose control?
And here’s the twist I love teaching both in therapy and in my online course:
The feared self is almost always the opposite of who you truly are.
Let’s take a look at an example…
Imagine a mom who is known for being gentle, nurturing, responsible, and deeply thoughtful. She suddenly has a violent intrusive thought about harming her child “out of nowhere.”
When she scans her life for evidence that she is—or ever has been—a violent person, there is none. In fact, the people around her describe her as the exact opposite: careful, patient, safe, and steady.
So why does she doubt herself?
Because OCD grabbed a possibility, a what-if, or even a tragic story she once heard, and built a threat around her feared self:
A version of her that doesn’t match reality, evidence, or her lived experience as a mother.
That doubt doesn’t mean she’s dangerous.
It means she’s human, protective, loving—and stuck in an OCD story.
Why This Matters
Once you start recognizing intrusive thoughts as OCD’s imagination targeting your feared self—not a reflection of your true self—something shifts.
You stop asking:
Why did I think that?
And you start saying:
Oh, I see what my OCD is doing here.
That awareness becomes a doorway out of the OCD loop and back into the life you want to live.
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
As a therapist and coach who works with moms with OCD every day, this is one of my favorite concepts to teach because it brings so much clarity, relief, and confidence.
And if you want more structured, step-by-step support, my course Navigating OCD in Motherhood walks you through:
Understanding your OCD without shame or confusion
Using simple, sense-based I-CBT tools
Breaking out of the OCD “bubble”
Reconnecting with the kind of mom you want to be
You can learn more and join here:
You don’t have to figure this out on your own. I’m here with you every step of the way.
xx Taylor
