Intrusive Thoughts Aren’t Random: They’re About Who You Fear Could Might Be
If you’ve ever experienced intrusive thoughts as a mom—especially in pregnancy or postpartum—you know how terrifying they can feel. One minute you’re rocking your baby to sleep, and the next, an image flashes through your mind that makes your stomach drop. “What kind of mother thinks something like this?” you wonder.
You might start spiraling into panic, shame, or guilt, trying to figure out what your thoughts mean and whether they say something dark about who you really are.
But here’s what I wish every mom with OCD could know:
Intrusive thoughts aren’t random. They come from a deeper fear about who you’re afraid you might be.
And understanding this is one of the most important steps in recovering from OCD.
What Intrusive Thoughts Really Are (From an I-CBT Perspective)
In Inference-Based Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (I-CBT), we understand intrusive thoughts not as meaningless static, but as part of a larger story—one that begins with a seed of doubt about yourself.
That doubt might sound like:
“What if I’m not a safe mom?”
“What if I could lose control?”
“What if I’m capable of doing something harmful?”
“What if I’m secretly a bad person and don’t know it?”
Once that doubt is there, OCD builds a vivid, emotionally charged story to try to protect you from becoming this imagined “feared self.”
The thoughts feel threatening not because they’re true, but because they target what you care most about.
Your Feared Self: The Heart of the Story
Here’s what OCD is really afraid of: not the thought itself, but what the thought says about you.
It’s not just “What if I drop the baby?”
It’s: “What if I’m the kind of mother who could want to drop the baby?”
It’s not just “What if I didn’t wash the bottles well enough?”
It’s: “What if I’m a negligent mom who can’t be trusted?”
The feared self is the version of you that OCD wants to prevent at all costs. And so, ironically, it tries to over-monitor your thoughts, your intentions, your behaviors—constantly asking, “Are you sure you’re not that kind of person?”
Why This Insight Changes Everything
When moms learn that their intrusive thoughts are rooted in a fear-based story—not in reality—it can be incredibly relieving.
Because it means:
✅ The thoughts aren’t proof of anything.
✅ You don’t need to figure them out or get to the bottom of them.
✅ You can stop treating them like urgent warnings and start seeing them for what they are: false alarms based on fear.
Instead of asking, “What if this thought means something about me?”
You can start asking, “What fear is this thought trying to protect me from?”
What You Can Do When the Thoughts Show Up
If you’re deep in the OCD spiral, try this:
Identify the story: What is the thought saying about the kind of person you’re afraid to be?
Use common sense: What do your real-life actions and values say about who you actually are?
Name the doubt: “This is OCD talking. This is my feared self, not my real self.”
Refocus gently: Not because the thought is “solved,” but because it doesn’t need solving.
You Are Not the Person OCD Says You Are
Motherhood is full of vulnerability—and for moms with OCD, that vulnerability can get hijacked by fear.
But intrusive thoughts are not evidence. They are not your truth. And they don’t define your character.
They are stories built around your deepest fears—not your deepest intentions.
And when you learn to see the pattern, the fear loses its power.
Want more support in learning how to challenge the OCD story and step into your real self?
My online course “Navigating OCD in Motherhood” is built to help you do exactly that—with tools rooted in I-CBT and real-life motherhood.
